Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Family Counseling Session Scheduled

There. Parenting therapy session made for the whole family for next Monday. Parenting is causing me all sorts of grief right now, so I will kick its behind. ...Or maybe lovingly but firmly place it in time out until it behaves. Yeeeeah, there's a reason we're going to therapy. My brain is violent!

This past week has been CRAP. Spent the whole week watching television like a vegetable so my brain doesn't have to think and/or deal with this reality. Which is not healthy, and I know better. I did do house cleaning and whatnot, but my kids got ignored. And Sunday they got taken out of class in church for poor behavior, and they were the last straw on my babysitter's bad back so I came home from date night to find her in tears. And it's just gotta stop. I feel I can't communicate with them. I feel I cannot have a life beyond babysitting which makes me really, really frustrated and angry and resentful. And it's not changing any, so I'm getting outside help. *points to counseling session* So THERE.

My counseling session is one day before my eye doctor appointment. Who knows if I'll be a basket case by then. Probably. Arg.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Relaxation Techniques

This is an article on relaxation techniques for mind and body. Check it out!

Sunday, February 8, 2009


My stress level has gone up. My coping skills are fraying. My self-esteem is shot. I'm struggling to function.

During my brief period last week when I thought cancer might kill me (it's not going to kill me), I looked at my life and realized I only had two big regrets: I haven't given enough love, attention, and guidance to my children, and I need to get my scrapbooks/journals in order so they can have an idea of my life. I realize that life isn't guaranteed, so even though cancer won't be the end of me at this point in time, I still need to get my butt in gear.

Monday I will call the local family center to get ideas on parenting help that isn't in the form of books, advice, or parenting classes. I need a person to physically come in my home and help.

Today I'm spending at my in-laws with my family, trying to get as many snuggles in with my kids and spouse as possible.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Click the Link!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/02/02/carson.bio/index.html <- awesome news article about how you can overcome the odds and succeed.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Eye Cancer

Well, today I got my official diagnosis of eye cancer. I suspected since Monday when I went in for an eye exam and told the doctor that I had a brown spot in my eye that recently started growing bigger and darker. He sent me to a specialist today, who confirmed my suspicions but gave me a better prognosis than I expected: it's an iris melanoma that is treatable by surgery (instead of radiation and multiple surgeries) and is unlikely to spread to the rest of my body. If I take care of it, then it won't kill me, or blind me, or cause me to lose an eye. My eyesight in that eye is pretty shot, but it has been like that for years. My other eye has perfect vision.

So I guess now the goal is to manage stress and try to continue functioning normally. I still have laundry and dishes to do and children to take care of and a husband to soothe. We're still not recovered from January's overbooked work schedule. Anyway, so I think I'm going to go tidy the house now as much as I can before bed.

Hope everyone is well. My next appointment is on the 24th. Will keep you posted. Fret not; all will be well.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Every Day is a Fresh Start

Our January's been a long one. We did pretty well until the last week of the month, when our reservoirs of energy, patience, and willpower seemed to finally dry up. But now January is gone for another year, and we can try to put our lives back in order now that we don't have 20 extra hours at work piled on.

I'm behind on housework. My children are neglected. My husband is depressed. I can rant and rave about how it's not fair, not my fault, too much to do, but the only thing that will help the situation is to actually put effort into it instead of just talking about it.

My biggest problem, I think, is that I am failing to teach, love, and care for my children to the best of my ability. So I will try to focus more on that. I think putting effort into my children's upbringing will be the best investment of time and energy I can make.

Today is church (we're going late, but we're going) and then a family party before my husband goes to work. Tomorrow is my husband's first day off of work in a month, and I (of course) filled it with dental and vision appointments. Then the rest of the week we get to see how my husband's new work schedule will work out (he is switching from a 3-11 pm shift to a 4 pm - 2 am shift).

My husband gave me a list of things that are bothering him. I'll see what I can do about them.

My days go better if:
- I exercise in the morning to get endorphins pumping
- I eat a healthy breakfast and lunch to give me enough energy to do stuff
- I DO stuff instead of sitting around. Doing stuff gives me a sense of accomplishment.
- I enjoy time spent with my husband and children instead of waiting for them to go away and leave me alone.