Sunday, June 28, 2009

Thought process

I am not a moron. At least I don't think I am. If I choose not to think about a thing, it's for a reason. Some things are best left unthinked about, if you can manage it. I notice things and stuff them in the back corner of my brain where they stew for a while. Then I think about them and come to a conclusion. Often my conclusion is, "I can't do anything about it." And then I stuff it back into the darkness until something changes. But don't think I don't notice them or that my head is empty.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Also, I'm concerned about a mole on my skin that's gotten bigger (read: skin cancer) and I'd really like to have it taken off. Except it's located on my inner thigh, almost right up against my panty line. So that'll be awkward to have looked at. *sigh* I don't want to see more doctors or have more surgeries.

My prosthetic eye looks pretty good. The colors match. I learned that if it's too high up or down compared to my other eye then I can just move it with my finger. My eyelids are having problems, though. That's why my eye still looks funny. The ocularist said she thinks my eyelids will settle in the two weeks between when I got it and when I'll make my next appointment, but if it doesn't I'll need to get surgery on my eyelids to make myself look normal again. Please see previous comment on surgery.

Money is troublesome. There's tons of medical bills that I know are coming but haven't arrived yet. There's tuition due in the fall and spring of next year. I don't want to take out more student loans. We're not eligible for federal grant money. David wants a new computer because his keeps dying (often enough to make his computer exceedingly frustrating to use). There's other things I'd like to buy, such as a wheat grinder and pool passes for the summer.

What the hell is wrong with you people? Who wakes up one day and says, "I'm going to rape my classmate during school!" Also, who says, "Hey look, that kid's getting raped in the locker room. Oh it's none of my business, carry on!" Seriously, people! I'ma kick you all in the head. Repeatedly.

Man, I'm so ticked off at humanity. I'm finding myself finding reasons to not talk to people anymore. I realize I'm also being oversensitive about my own appearance and that makes me want to hide.

Otherwise, life is pretty good. My house is mostly clean most of the time. My kids are happy. I spend lots of time outside, which makes me happy, or at least content. I just want to hide in this bubble of my own house, good weather, and no complications (i.e. other people who cause problems).

There's a funeral for my old visiting teacher's stillborn baby on Saturday. *sighs* Sometimes life sucks and it's nobody's fault.