Thursday, July 4, 2013

can't sleep

"a solitary cry echoes through my mouth and through my mind. i think of you. i think i woke up screaming. i had a dream that you still loved me." - SW

So.  Where to start?

I'll be missing at least three Fourth of July parties this year. I'll be at work. Which is just as well, because if you're going to be miserable, you should at least get paid for it.  And we could use the money.

Still waiting for David to get a job. He's been putting out a lot more applications this summer than I thought he would, and wants to go to two job fairs soon.  I suspect if he gets a job, it will be in Salt Lake, so we'll move abruptly.  My entire life is hanging in limbo.  Just hanging there, for a year and a half, but closer now than ever...  I hate change.  But things need to change.

Dear heavens, why am I listening to this album?  Stabbing Westward is not good for you, and their first album least of all. 

My dad has been fired from his job today, presumably for being intoxicated at work. 

I have no words.  Well, none that I'll be repeating, I guess.  And a silent prayer for my mother, who endures and endures and endures. 

"there are times when i'm just a shell. where i do not feel anything for anyone. all i feel is hollow and bruised, used up and misused, forced to be someone i don't want to be.  have i failed somehow or some way?  will the weights of today finally pull me down to drown in the depths of despair where i am alone except for my rage..." - SW