Things are going fairly well, but I feel like everything that was settled is up in the air again or will be in the near future.
We may have to move. If Matt gets out of jail and moves to Logan, we will. But I don't know if he'll get out, and then I don't know where he'll move to. But I can't/won't subject my family to the possibility of running into him at the grocery store or Grandma's house or wherever. I need them to feel safe.
If we don't move, I probably want to change jobs. This one is a dead end, and it's frustrating even on its good days. I don't want to lose the proximity to David and Kyle, or the flexibility of hours, or the pay. But I'm tired of beating my head against a wall. I don't know what I want to do, though. Something with limited humans, a steady stream of work, and where I can listen to music. I know I've got to find something to do this summer for work while David finishes his book, but I'm not sure about that, either.
David says he wants to go back to church, but then makes no attempt to follow through. He's so depressed, and I think going back would make it worse. And then Rachel decides she's (mostly?) gay. And I can see how well that will go over at church functions, or with grandparents who are all holding onto the church as their emotional lifeline. While the church may work well for a lot of people, I think it would be currently damaging to my family in multiple ways.
I do not want to visit my mother this summer. I know I probably should go help her, because we didn't go last summer. But AAFLSKDJASDLF. She drives me crazy.
I'm tired and I want to go home. I want it to be spring. I want to work part time and spend the rest of the time at home. Sigh.
Monday, January 27, 2020
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