Wednesday, February 5, 2014

this too shall pass

Depression cycle. 
Having trouble remembering that this will pass.
That I've been here before many times.
Logic and experience vs. chemicals -
right now it's a tie.

It feels like everything is caving in.
That life is a never ending nightmare
from which I cannot wake.
That nothing matters, and fading away would be

I'm trying to eat and sleep and exercise.
Taking vitamins and antidepressants.
Writing out my cognitive behavior lists.
Fighting to stay above the darkness.

Everything is a struggle.
Getting out of bed instead of sleeping into oblivion.
Eating in very small portions
because that's all I can handle.
Forcing myself to interact with people,
"fake it until you make it"
and hope they don't notice I'm on the verge of panic and tears.

Objectively there is nothing wrong.
I can point to the trigger and tell you that's not the cause.
This internal sickness knows no reason.

People ask how they can help.
They send gifts and hugs and words of encouragement.
All of which are interactions I cannot handle in this state.
Just be patient. 
I see you there on the sidelines
cheering me on.
I appreciate it,
but back off. 
Be patient.
I'll come see you when I'm ready.

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