Sunday, December 27, 2009

Prozac has stopped my meltdowns, generally. It provides a wall between the clawing, gnawing, sucking-you-down-into-the-depths depression that's plagued me my entire life.

So that's nice.

I'm not depressed anymore. I'm just...busy. And stressed.

Dealing with the financial aftermath of having cancer and shipping an entire family across the country to have multiple surgeries by a highly skilled, expensive team of surgeons. My parents helped a lot. My husband's parents helped a lot. Both continue to help. We're keeping our heads above water, but just barely. I started working full time. My husband works part time and will go to school again full time shortly. It doesn't leave a lot of time for each other or for anything besides earning money to pay bills and cleaning frantically to keep the house running.

I suspect our standards could be lowered. My friend is getting kicked out of his house because he can't pay rent and has filed for unemployment. Extended family members and friends trying to pay for houses they can no longer afford, or can't sell because they got laid off. At least we're employed. At least we're healthy. We're staying on top of the bills, generally.

Just TIRED. And dropping the ball on everything except survival. I miss my husband on the weekends, when he's gone working twelve hour shifts from before I get up for the day until bedtime when he comes home, eats, and then goes to bed.

January... In January, school starts again. David will be busy. I don't know how busy yet; that depends on his teachers and how much busy work they want to assign. I will be working every single day of January because that's tax printing time, and it's mandatory to keep your job. Eight hour shifts, seven days a week. I'll be working graveyard shift, so that's midnight to eight a.m. The idea is for David to go to class in the morning while I watch kids, then he'll come home and I'll sleep in the afternoon/evening and go to work at midnight. We'll see how it goes. I'm looking forward to working eight hour shifts instead of twelve hour shifts, but I'm not looking forward to school or seven day workweeks.

Have a job interview tomorrow at the same place I work. Interviewing for a promotion, basically. Taking on more responsibility, learning new things... I'm kindof terrified. But I figure that if they've hired some inept people as operators then an idiot who can read directions would be an improvement. And I'm an idiot who can read directions. Whee!

Never mind that I'm the one writing the directions.

Um...

Tired. Want nap, want David, want house to clean itself, want babysitter, want to play warcraft, then have a couple days to hammer out a training manual to take into the interview with me so they'll stop looking at me like I've grown a second head.

I realize this post isn't terribly coherent. Bite me.

Mmm. Sister coming up to go sledding tomorrow. Might want to go. Don't really have time or energy, but I have sleds! Might as well use them.

And if you tell me to have a beer, I will buy a case and throw it at your head. I swear I will.

Sigh. On that note, I need food. Toodles.

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