Tuesday, September 8, 2009

chapter four

Chapter Four: Building Self Esteem

Highlights from this chapter include:

You CANNOT EARN worth through achievements (oops), or based on looks, talent, fame, fortune, through relationships, or through approval of others.

The more depressed you are, the more logical and real your twisted thinking feels. Depression is illogical. (Therefore, fight depression with logic!)

Cathartic dumping of depressed thoughts is nice, but the improved feeling is short lived. Finding the origin of thoughts (such as having a traumatic childhood) is insightful but useless.

What IS useful is this writing down what thoughts come into your mind, identifying what kind of cognitive distortion they are, and issuing a rational response. And you HAVE to write it down to make it more concrete, and it's easy to do in a chart format.

Avoid emotional descriptions in your chart such as "I feel crappy" because that's true. You do feel crappy. Whereas "I am crappy" is untrue.

The bottom line to building self esteem is to silence or refute the voice/thoughts in your head that tell you that you are of little or no value.

1 comment:

HappyOrganist said...

that worth thing is a trick, isn't it.

you saw my thoughts on deserve, right?
anyway.. i guess if you check out the ol' scriptures you can see what the Lord says about worth.
umm.. and it's funny b/c something like the 'worth' of a soul is not dependent upon what that soul does.

still... We do have to earn some things, don't we? like.. if i want a new car - the right way to go about achieving that is to earn it. (get a job, WORK, save, purchase)
and earning is good. There's nothing wrong with that concept/principle in general, I guess. but I guess in some ways it is not (and shouldn't be?) connected to self-worth.

i don't know.
have a few thoughts on this.

One. We are Worth a lot to God. HE likes us (loves us) no matter what we do.
but why?
am I that great?
I think no. (not that I don't believe that I'm great. 'cause actually I'm known for thinking I am great). But I believe (or guess) what it is (why we mean so much to Him, personally) is b/c He has invested so much time in caring, nurturing and teaching us (etc, etc).
You know how you care a lot for your kids (usually) ;)
It's not b/c they're super-cool or smart or dumb or cute or tall or short or b/c they do cool things. It's b/c you invest your time in them. You put your time, talents and energy in serving them (and you love whom you serve. that's where love comes from, as I see it).
Think of anyone you love or have tender feelings for. Is it someone you Don't know at all or Have NOT served at all? Possibly - but probably not.
I think of the people I've 'fallen in love' with. When/why/how did that happen? (how did those feelings arise or come about or become very strong?) It came about as a result of how much time and energy (whether it was mental or physical) I invested in that person.

So.. anyway. I don't know if that's all (or maybe I'm wrong. who knows). But I kind of think that that may be why we're worth so much to Heavenly Father. He has cared for us and put His time, energy, etc. into serving His children (and so whether we are brats or not, He loves us b/c He has served us..)

(I might be wrong. that is not lds doctrine or christian doctrine. that is my own musing)

So. That doesn't make me feel less cool or less worthy. That just means to me that He loves me.
And it's also cool b/c I think it kinda shows me how I can learn to have that same love for anyone else. (I think I'm missing something here. HF's love is cooler than that, I think. I don't know what I'm missing)


OH. OTHER thought. Your "worth" may not be tied to the things you do. But I think we should* be actively engaged in serving others (that will help you feel better b/c you are serving the Lord). And I think that kind of thing is necessary (I mean serving others) for building self-esteem.

i don't know.

it's complex.
How 'bout you have fun reading. And do what I'm doing - is talking to wise older women who have grasped subtly some of these concepts already. SOME of these things we gradually learn through life.
You get to a point, I think, where you start to realize "hey, HF loves me. And it's not b/c of something I did or didn't do or am doing or am not doing or will do, etc, etc"