Spiral down to your core.
Kill the lights and crank the music,
until there's no room for illusions.
Take a look inside to find what's bleeding,
bring it to the light so its secrets are exposed
and you can begin to heal.

I guess you don't find too many
as broken as she is
trying to function in the world.
I knew she was out of my league,
but in my folly
I thought I could help anyway.

Her words echo in my head,
brutal truths that will never leave me,
of the depths people will go to
to hurt each other.
And it's like getting punched in the gut
over and over
as the words replay.

You see me smiling and laughing,
keeping things going smoothly.
You don't see me sleepless the night before
or the crash afterwards.
I don't tell you about the knife in my pocket,
the phone call to a lawyer,
or all the little fantasies of rearranging your life for you.

I have to live with my dishonesty
and my unkindness.

And I sit here and wallow in my misery.
I am convinced people do well with my polite self,
but never the real me.
I retreat, I filter, I give up my closest friends
so that I don't hurt them.

I don't want to play in this world anymore.
It always hurts.